A friend and I were discussing some issues that they were having with their partner, and during the conversation my friend mentioned that they had asked their partner “what’s your number?” My friend was referring to the number of sexual partners their partner has had over the years. The number is not important, but it was much higher than my friend had expected, in fact it was 5x higher than my friends’ own number. My friend complained how it felt like such an extreme number but in our society it is seemed as “normal.”
Another friend on a different day was telling me about their nightly escapades and how they had successfully hooked up with someone from the bar. After hearing the story, I was asked if there were any women of interest in my life lately. I mentioned a few girls that I found attractive and how some of them didn’t feel like the right fit for me, and how there was one girl that I was going to try to approach and see where things go in which my friend responded something along the lines of “Adrian, you need to close!”
My friend was pointing out that I meet many woman who I believe are amazing people, but I never ‘close the deal’ because I feel like the relationship wouldn’t go further than just a friendship. Perhaps I should learn something from my friends frustration and take a bit more of a risk even if I feel like a relationship would not bloom from a few dates with someone, however my friends’ emphasis was more on “closing” in regards to taking a woman home for the night.
I won’t lie, I get the temptations occasionally to go to the bar, talk a pretty girl up, and take her home, however this is so contradictory to my instincts and gut feeling. And I don’t mean to say that my friends or anyone else who lives this way is any was ‘less’ than me, as if I am somehow more righteous by not wanting to partake in one night stands. I am in no position to make any judgement because I have made mistakes, said and done things that definitely do not paint me as a saint (thankfully such things as grace and mercy exist!). When my friend told me to “close” I responded saying with “I am not like that” but I should have said “I am trying not to be like that.” My friend responded in frustration “why not?!”
I hope and pray that one day I will meet someone who will choose to truly love me every day for the rest of her days despite how she may ‘feel’ about me in any given season of life. I am hopeful that I will be able to do love someone in that same capacity as well. The best gift when it comes to sex in our relationship that I can think of, is having been able to allow the two of us to have many, of our “firsts” together. Of course, we live in a broken world filled with people who make many mistakes; I have made many mistakes. If I ever am so blessed to have a relationship with this woman, and she asks me what my number is, despite how high her number may be, I would hope that I can answer her confidently without shame. I would want that number ideally to be 0, but it is not, and that is something I hope that future woman has grace for, either way, I am keeping that number the lowest I can keep so she knows that there is substance in our intimacy and that I did not choose to freely share such an intimate experience with a dozen other girls before her.
Perhaps there are men and women out there that think all of that “waiting” is pointless, that it’s better to have as much “fun” as you can while you’re single till you settle down. I would respectively disagree, and I can only speak from my own perspective on this topic. I personally would hope that the next girl I date (hopefully the girl) would not have had so many experiences, and if she did then hey, that’s okay, I understand how tempting it is, but if I have a desire for the girl to have certain morals then I should have them too.