Radical Forgiveness = Radical Love


That is the only way I know how to describe the feelings of betrayal, abandonment, disgust, anger, sorrow, and confusion all mixed into a single emotion.

It is probably one of the worst feelings I have ever felt, and I was not sure what I was supposed to do with it. Somewhere within all of the lessons I learned in my childhood, I had not learned how to appropriately tend to that sinking feeling. It sank far down the depths of what I would call my soul, nestled into a little pocket and eventually bloomed into bitterness.

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Like the Cool Kids

“Ew! Your lips are dark! Are they supposed to be like that?”

“I chose him, I’m sorry.”

“Where’s Johnny? Oh he’s not here..okay. Hey Adrian what’s up?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t love you anymore”
“I met someone…”

The first quote was a kid on the first day of Kindergarten,
The second, my first attempt at love,
The third, a girl I thought saw me for me,
The last two,


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How I Got the Chance to Live

My parents both had children from previous marriages before marrying each other, and they had been married 3 year before learning they were pregnant with me.  Whenever my mother spoke about her pregnancy she would always joke and say two things: “I wanted you to be a girl!” and “You were 10 pounds! You caused me a lot of struggle!” However I decided to sit down and listen to my parents tell me their life stories and it was the first time I would hear my mother tell me about a different struggle during her time carrying me.

My mother for a few reasons had her doubts about giving birth and so my grandmother mentioned that she knew of a doctor that was able to “massage” her stomach in a way that would cause an abortion. In secret the two of them visited the doctor and requested for the procedure, however the doctor was a follower of Jesus and knew that my mother was a relatively new Christian. The doctor explained that in my mother’s womb God was personally crafting together a child. She explained that there was a purpose for me, a future laid out for me to live if I so chose. The doctor successfully convinced my mother to not go through with the abortion.

23 years later here I am laughing, singing, and joyfully striving through life. Hearing this from my mother I could not help but think about God, all of my friends, and family that have made this life of mine so worth living. I don’t have any anger or hurt feelings from this story, the only thing I can feel is joy and thanksgiving.There is a lot more to the story that I could talk about, but what I want to express the most is that I almost did not get the chance to live. My mother had every right to abort me, she even had support from grandma AND very few people were even aware of the pregnancy because it was still very early, but because of one person who spoke out for me when I couldn’t, I got to live. I know there is a lot of controversy over the matter of abortion and I am not nearly informed enough to have an educated stance on the subject, but all I can say is if that doctor did not ask my mother to pause and think about the full life God had planned for me, I would not be here with all of you today.

“What’s Your Number?”

A friend and I were discussing some issues that they were having with their partner, and during the conversation my friend mentioned that they had asked their partner “what’s your number?” My friend was referring to the number of sexual partners their partner has had over the years. The number is not important, but it was much higher than my friend had expected, in fact it  was 5x higher than my friends’ own number. My friend complained how it felt like such an extreme number but in our society it is seemed as “normal.”

Another friend on a different day was telling me about their nightly escapades and how they had successfully hooked up with someone from the bar. After hearing the story, I was asked if there were any women of interest in my life lately. I mentioned a few girls that I found attractive and how some of them didn’t feel like the right fit for me, and how there was one girl that I was going to try to approach and see where things go in which my friend responded something along the lines of “Adrian, you need to close!”

My friend was pointing out that I meet many woman who I believe are amazing people, but I never ‘close the deal’ because I feel like the relationship wouldn’t go further than just a friendship. Perhaps I should learn something from my friends frustration and take a bit more of a risk even if I feel like a relationship would not bloom from a few dates with someone, however my friends’ emphasis was more on “closing” in regards to taking a woman home for the night.

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Immortal Relationships

When I was a child my parents would work during the day and I would be taken care of by different people. It was common for me to sleep in my bed one night and then wake up on a couch in someone else’s house the next morning. When I would awake, I would take a quick look around to see who’s house I was in, and once confirmed I would look for my bag that my parents would leave me filled with snacks, extra clothes, tooth brush, etc. I do not have memories of being scared or concerned that my mother or father would not return for me. Instead I would eat my breakfast, turn on the television with the volume very low and start my day knowing full well that my parents would eventually arrive.

This gave me a lot of confidence not necessarily in myself, but in the fact that I was a part of different families and communities filled with people that cared and looked after me in one sense or another. I had my immediate family, ‘cousins’, ‘aunts and uncles’, my schoolmates, and my church community. I also had T.V, which if you know me, had a great impact on my development and how I viewed the world. With the vast amount of support, with all of the lessons I was taught, no one had prepared me for what I found to have been the most devastating lesson to learn, and I did it the hard way.

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